Sunday, February 21, 2010
time does not heal all wounds
people all kept telling me it would get better with time, but i never really believed it. and it's coming up on a year now, and it's not any better at all. the pain is just as harsh as the day it happened. today i was coming home from the movies and drove past my old house (as i do sometimes) and thought of the time gordi came to see me and then got stuck in the snow and it took him an hour to get himself out of the parking place. and then i suddenly start sobbing and i can't breathe and tears are running down my face. for the past 11 months i've been getting up in the morning (or afternoon) and doing what i have to do like go to school but there isn't a minute i don't miss him. there isn't a minute i don't wish we were together. it hasn't gotten any easier. it hasn't gotten any better. i still cry every day. many days i still sob, i'd say 'like my heart would break,' but of course it already has. i know people feel like they have to say something, but all along i felt that saying it would get better was not only insensitive but incorrect, and so far that's still my experience. it doesn't get better. it can't get better. it isn't any better.
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No. Time does not heal all wounds. For thoe of us who love deeply, and are sensitive poeple, harsh jolts like the one you got when Gordi died I can imagine make things like driving past your old house - or lots of memories, ever-present and at the forefront of the mind.
I'd give a LOT to help ease your pain. Sweetie - but I know it's not possible to take someone else's way; and you're grieving. I know I'd be greiving, were I in your shoes. HUGs!
Few people know this; I had an ex-BF who shot himself a full year after we broke up.I drove past his house a few years after the event, and it was like it was happening all over again. It's NOT the same thing; just saying I sort of know what you mean.
With Gordi,I imaine the sense of loss is always there. Please know you've got a friend in sll of this.
We'll wade through our depressions - just know there is another person in the same ocean, rowing in a boat; muddling her way out. Here for you, and willing to listen.
Sincerely,Suzanne (Sears)
You saved my skin tonight
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